How to support a friend who's struggling
You don't need to be an expert to help. What to say, what to avoid, and when to get urgent help.
When someone you care about seems low, withdrawn or not themselves, it's natural to worry about saying the wrong thing. The good news: you don't need perfect words. Showing up matters most.
Start the conversation
Pick a quiet moment and keep it simple: "I've noticed you seem a bit down lately. How are you really doing?" Then listen. Mental health first-aid programmes, studied in many countries, teach the same basics: approach, listen without judging, and encourage help.
Listen more than you fix
- Let them talk. Silence is okay.
- Reflect back what you hear: "That sounds really exhausting."
- Avoid quick fixes like "just think positive" or "others have it worse". They can make people feel unheard.
Encourage support
Offer to help them find a counsellor, psychologist or doctor, or sit with them while they call. Small practical help, like a lift to the appointment, can make a big difference.
When it's urgent
If they talk about wanting to die or harming themselves, take it seriously. Ask directly and calmly, stay with them, and get help right away. In India, call Tele-MANAS on 14416 (free, 24×7) or 112 in an emergency.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone is caring work. It's okay to set limits and to talk to someone yourself.
Sources
- Kitchener BA, Jorm AF (2002). Mental health first aid training for the public: evaluation of effects on knowledge, attitudes and helping behavior. BMC Psychiatry, 2, 10. doi.org/10.1186/1471-244X-2-10
- World Health Organization. Mental health: strengthening our response (fact sheet). www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response
- Tele-MANAS, Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, Government of India. telemanas.mohfw.gov.in
This article is for general education and isn't medical advice. If you're worried about your mental health, please speak to a qualified professional. In India, Tele-MANAS (14416) is free and open 24×7.